What do you need?
First thing(s) that come to mind, when I ask you: what do you need?
You can't get it wrong
Doesn't matter if it's big, small, longterm or immediate gratification. Just name it and hold it there, maybe jot it down on a piece of paper nearby, while I ask
—why is it that you need it?
Give yourself a chance. Why is it that you need that?
Even if it's so obvious, say it.
Just because it's obvious, doesn't mean it isn't meaningful, that you won't learn something - about yourself - if you give it some space. It deserves some space. It's what you need; let it be important.
Doesn't matter if it's mean.
I don't want to exclude anything. Whatever it is.
It might be uncomfortable.
Might hurt or be terribly heavy to hold. Still, it's fine whatever it is, your reply. It's your need and your why. And regardless of how it feels, they aren't permanent. You don't have to like them. They just are. For now.
So, you were saying. This is what you need and that is why...
Go again, please: why?
Really - ask again.
Interrogate the why.
See how slowly you can go.
And then, if you can, go three more times.
I've heard that about five whys will get you to the bottom of it, your need.
your feet. and the ground you stand on.